What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
10.06.2025 14:32
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
Do you find Anushka Sen attractive?
Who then, do I blame.?
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
I don,t even have a pension.
Why would a girl not want you to know she has a crush on you?
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
Was to survive, this bastard.
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
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Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
She found it foreign!.
What is the opposite personality type of someone with ASPD (antisocial personality disorder)?
He resisted the act ,that day.
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
I will be 64.
But it wasn’t much.
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
I did it because my mum asked me too!
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One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
He knew the spot.
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
Why do women change that much more with age?
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
And who doesn’t know suffering?
I said to her
When British people write X after everything, are they being serious or trying not to be awkward?
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
This is how, and why children get BPD.
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
How do you take your erotic photos and how do you choose the poses?
Ive learnt so much.
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
My family never makes their pension either.
All the time i was locked up.
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
I waited trembling.
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
They are buried together, in the same grave..
I was very sick at this time too.
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
She loved him until the end.
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
My mum and dad in the seventies!
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
She was in good health!
What did i know ?
Why did i forgive my father ?
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
As i do to all so called friends.?
(And it was in our own minds.)
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
So whats the point in blame.
But ive been too sick for many years..
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
Im still living with it.
Put me off passion for life!!
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
Especially a lifetime of it.
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
I could never make a relationship work though!
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
I was seconnd youngest,
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
I write beautiful poetry .
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
She wouldn,t have been !
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
Where the ultimate outsiders.
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
It was going to be , some day.
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
I think the readers, may guess!
I had hoped to write a book about this .
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
I was 9 years of age.
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
I have no regrets .
This is soul school!.
I couldn’t, believe it.
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
But, we were locked up after school.
Comes on , in middle age.
Im dying but, im not bitter.
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
He was dying to do it , i knew.
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
On the 31st of Jan this month .
We all went to grammer schools
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
When she asked me how she looked .
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
I was scared of men, in general
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
The only rule us 5 kids had .
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
Would this be the day?
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
I never cut or harmed myself..
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
I know ,a lot about trauma.
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
One cannot live in the past .
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
My life is so biszare .
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
And i lived it daily.
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
So, i spoilt her more .
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
We were not on the streets..
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
She married twice! .